”This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!”
~ Polonius, in Shakespeare’s Hamlet
If all the New Age and fluffy business / self-development books, CDs and DVDs are to be believed, the only way to happiness is to live your life “authentically”. By which they mean that you need to do various things, typically along the lines of “getting in touch with your feminine side”, meditating every 4 hours, understanding the sources of your anger, not eating meat or jumping on the latest craze of being “minimalist”.
To most of these light and fluffy types, “living authentically” becomes something of a mantra, and is generally held to mean “living the life you were meant to”. This one phrase alone seems to have different meanings, dependent on the context in which it is found. For example, in a self-development / self-enlightenment book it often means “to find your true purpose of existence”. In a more business/wealth-focused book it typically implies that you should get over your problem with money, and get the lifestyle you deserve.
Dragged Down By The Millstones
For my money, being “authentic” is a lot simpler than any of these things; it is simply a case of being yourself, without putting on any airs and graces, without wearing some kind of mask, and doing the things you enjoy and are comfortable/happy doing.
This is something that’s been buzzing around in my mind a lot lately, and really comes from reading various notes I had jotted down a while ago. Notes that said things like “must do X” and “need to improve Y”. It all made for quite depressing reading really, all very negative and none of it particularly responsible for any of the achievements of the past year. It dawned on me then that, despite jotting such things down, I have pretty much continued on the way I always have and have only really made a few changes here and there where the need has arisen (e.g. getting a tiny little bit better in the organisation department).
All the jotted notes simply became millstones around my neck that added nothing, and just made me feel bad at having achieved little (when really I should have been celebrating and feeling good about some genuine achievments).
Diversions From The Path
Not only were many of these ideas (often gleaned from your typical self-improvement type books and websites) weighing things down, they have also (at times) clouded issues and provided justification for taking the wrong direction. For example, I recently ended an arrangement where I was doing contract development for another web developer. At various points I have persuaded myself to continue with this work, despite feeling the motivation and enthusiasm for doing the work leeching away. In my heart I knew it was something I no longer had any desire to do, however I had swallowed enough mumbo-jumbo to believe that it was worth sticking with, that it would unlock the door to working from home on a full-time basis, and that “sticking with it” was a virtuous thing.
It was of course absolute nonsense. It was simply another job, partially replacing one employer for another, with the illusion of having more freedom. Once I got around to ending the agreement the sense of relief was palpable; it was obvious that I should have listened to my instincts a lot sooner. In the true sense of the term, I should have been true to myself.
So What IS “Authentic”?
In the context of this article, being authentic is simply being yourself. This is something, or so I believe, that is dead simple until you hit about 10 years old and gets increasingly difficult as you cope with things like puberty, girlfriends/boyfriends, peer pressure, societal pressure, finding a career, getting a job, marriage, kids etc. The good news is that you eventually hit a point where you’ve had enough of the crap, and find that you are old enough to dare to be yourself again (i.e. you stop worrying what others think about you).
For me that started to happen at some point soon after I turned 40, and has therefore taken about 3 years to complete (if indeed it has!) If I had to sum it up in one phrase, being “authentic” is simply “not giving a toss“.
By that I don’t mean that you become a cold, heartless, uncaring soul. No, what I mean is no longer worrying what other people will think about things like:
- How you look
- How you speak
- What you believe in
- What your goals are
- Your political views
Quite simply it means you become comfortable with yourself, and you live and act according to your individual beliefs and needs rather than those of others, or those that you believe society expects of you.
Including purveyors of light and fluffy New Age personal self-help development mumbo jumbo 
“I accept chaos, I’m not sure whether it accepts me.” ~ Bob Dylan
Unlike Mr Zimmerman (aka Bob Dylan, for those unaware of his birth name), I am actually pretty confident that chaos has indeed accepted me; more than that, it seems to seek me out whenever I attempt to plan, organise or put some semblance of order on things. Perhaps I should not be surprised as I have long had a fascination for the mathematics of chaos, the striking imagery of fractal geometry, and the possibility of chaos being the true “natural order of things”.
Chaos seems most prone to mounting an attack whenever I lay out plans in both a business and personal development context. Conversely, I have long felt that I achieve far more, and reach greater heights when I simply “go with the flow”. Talking to others it would seem that I am not alone in this; perhaps these words resonate with you as you read them?
Uncommon Sense
Do you feel uncomfortable with much of the standard, popular advice out there? Do the concepts of planning and organisation leave you cold? Do you start to doubt yourself, or your abilities, because you can’t crack the “getting organised” thing?
I know I do, and I’m also pretty sure that it’s wrong for me to feel bad about it!
People are wired up differently, it’s part of what makes life so interesting, and so it is not unreasonable to expect some people to respond well to lists, plans and schedules, and for others to go stone cold at the very thought of the same. Yet the more you read, the more of the same advice you get over and over again.
When it seems like the whole world is telling you to plan, schedule and be organised with pin-point military precision, it is no wonder that us chaotic types feel a push to “conform”. At the very least you can start to feel that your dreams are beyond you, because you’re not “cut out” for it.
Dare to Differ
Just because one section of the world’s population has found meticulous planning and scheduling to be of benefit to them, it doesn’t mean YOU have to follow the same pattern. Try it, if it feels natural to you then that’s great. However, if it feels “wrong” then continuing down that path can lead to a heightened sense of frustration and can be very counter-productive.
Perhaps for you a more “intuitive” approach is required. While you will still need to keep some kind of “to do” list, track the progress of projects and so on, you have every right to find your own solution, and your own way of working.
Embrace The “Chaos”
When you feel the frustration building, stop for a moment and analyse what the source of that frustration is. You will often find that these feelings stem from the fact that you’re pushing yourself in an “alien” direction. It is at these moments that you may find great benefit in simply letting go, tackling things intuitively and going with the flow. More often than not, at least in my experience, this will then be rewarded by a period of productivity, success or progress. You will also notice that the frustration that was building up inside, melts away and is soon forgotten.
Now I know that this is going to seem like heresy to many; that’s fine, stick to what works for YOU. This is what we should all aim to do – use whatever systems, approaches or techniques do the job for ourselves, no matter what works or doesn’t work for others. We are, after all, unique individuals with unique needs and perspectives.
Timely Messages
It’s funny how things can come to your attention at just the right time isn’t it? As I was pondering the topic of this post, over the past couple of weeks, a couple of blog posts have arrived in my inbox. Both are from Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits blog, and cover different, though related topics.
The first relates to the idea of discipline and how we get wound up in the belief that discipline is the key.
The second gets into the concept of control, and how we don’t really have any
For me, both articles contain highly relevant and timely messages, I suspect they may have similar value to my fellow dwellers in the realm of chaos and I thoroughly recommend reading them!
Yours, chaotically
Gaz
“Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.” ~ Henry Ford.
Does this sound (painfully) familiar? Have you experienced the euphoria of making genuine progress, and the subsequent panic, disillusionment or frustration of things slipping back or away from you?
If so, take what comfort you can from Henry Ford’s words, roll up your sleeves, and get back in there! Whether it’s related to productivity, time/task management, spiritual growth or developing your business, you are more or less guaranteed to experience setbacks or backward steps on numerous occasions.
A Personal Tale
My most recent experience of this relates to managing my “stuff”; I’d got all inboxes to empty, felt on top of the world, and believed I had cracked it. Then life interjected with a couple of minor complications (actually it was more a case of simply having to spend time on real life issues) and BANG! everything seemed to come tumbling down, and I once more descended into a self-made hell of chaos, disorganisation and a sense of drowning in it all.
Now I know that guys like Leo B (zenhabits.net) are big on “simplifying” and, trust me, cutting back on things is a vision that I share. Soemtimes though, you simply have to slash away at your current commitments and then attempt to move on in a more streamlined and simplified fashion.
The Lessons in Setbacks
It might not feel like it at the time, however setbacks, roadblocks and diversions on your path often contain a lesson or message for you. It might be, for example, indicate a need to re-assess some system or practices. Alternatively, it might be an opportunity to take stock and reflect on progress made to date.
Ultimately there is some lesson, warning or message in these setbacks, and the value of that will be realised by simply recognising this, and taking time to figure out a solution or comeback.
Simple Strategy For Dealing With Setbacks
As a “setback veteran” (a nice way of saying that I’ve had to deal with my fair share of frustration) I feel qualified enough to offer some advice on how to “cope” with such things:
- Forget the “F” word – you haven’t failed, you just need to adjust something
- Realise that you are following in the footsteps of some great men and women – do you think Henry Ford had everything click into place each and every time, as if by magic?
- Take stock – three aspects to consider are:
- “How did I get here?” – what sequence of events, decisions or strategies form the background to the current situation?
- ”What has been the effect of that?” – what are the issues and obstacles you now face?
- “How do I move forward?” – what can you change, what new direction can you try, and what practical steps can you take to chaneg things, even if only a tiny bit at a time?
- Take the action necessary to turn things around
When you eventually come out the other side, you will be wiser, more focused and even more determined than ever.
Image courtesy of: Alba Campus
“It’s good to get things out of your system, emotionally and physically.”
~ source: the plastic label on the bottle of spring water I bought this morning..
One of the key aspects of personal development, of any kind, is to understand the raw materials you are working with. From there you start to gain an understanding of what needs adjusting, and the direction you should take. This ought to be obvious, however people (and I include myself here) often set off without a map; when we do that, we wind up wandering around aimlessly in circles!
Know Your Stuff
WARNING: In terms of discovering your strengths and weaknesses, there is a huge amount of information available. In fact, there is so much information that it is easy to wind up in a semi-permanent “research” mode. Interesting as it is, reading about personal development and profiling your own psychological makeup can easily become an all-consuming diversion from the real journey. I’ve got the t-shirt on that one!
A rough working guide to your starting point can be obtained through 2 steps:
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Pick out the “elements” that resonate with you at
MindFire
You MUST be brutally honest wth yourself while answering the questions, and fully expect to find things you disagree with, or find uncomfortable!
As an example, when I worked through the personality test I got INFP as the result. Apparently INFPs “do not like to deal with hard facts and logic” – this is quite amusing when you realise that I have spent over 25 years as a software developer!
On the face of it then, the test result and the reality of my life/career are completely at odds!
Making Sense of It
It is important that you don’t treat these classification systems as the absolute, definitive truth. Individual personalities will “conform” to the broad types in varying degrees, and may even contain aspects from more than 1 type. Figuring out your approximate type is intended only to point you in the right direction. If you are anything like me, as you read the descriptions you will start to recognise aspects of yourself and will even begin to admit (to yourself) certain traits.
To go back to my own example, as I read through the INFP description it started to make sense of why I find writing code so damn boring! It is also worth mentioning that on other occasions I have actually been rated as an INTP, which is either a sign of internal changes, or my own psyche existing on the borders of both types. What struck me about this type (INFP) was how accurate it was in terms of “big picture”, not getting hung up on “mundane details” and not dealing effectively with the practical side of day-to-day life (bills, organisation, todo lists etc.)
Not surprisingly, with the second article, I found myself drawn to “Fire” and can see most of my weak spots in “Earth” (which is quite amusing as my star sign is the very earthy Taurus!)
So from this starting point, enough information can be gathered to form a better assessment of yourself.
Moving Forward
Just knowing what makes you tick may well be all you need, and if you feel that is the case then fair enough! You may also feel, as I certainly do, that real life-changing improvements can be made by strengthening the weak spots , bringing them into balance with the stronger aspects of your self.
Using my own example, there is a definite need to focus on the practical aspects (e.g. handling bills/finances better) and paying more attention to the mechanics of converting ideas and dreams into realities. Both of these correspond with the “shadow” aspects I need to embrace.
In your case the strengths and weaknesses are likely to be different; do you perhaps have a good grasp of the practical side of life, and feel you are lacking in other areas? Are you great at expressing and feeling emotion, and then struggle with other parts of your life because emotions take over?
Baby Steps
By taking the two steps described, you will give your personal journey a real boost. Once you have started, you really just keep on travelling – one baby step at a time!
Enjoy the journey.
Gaz
Image courtesy of: aloshbennett
“To confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light”
~ Dr. Carl G. Jung
One of Carl Jung’s claims to fame is the concept of the “Shadow” and the need for an individual to face this hidden aspect of themselves. This mysterious-sounding shadow self is, to summarise things in a ridiculously simple manner, pretty much every part of yourself that you dislike, detest and work hard to keep out of your public persona.
To make things worse, apparently the more you hide these aspects of yourself, the harder they work to express themselves in some way or another. A favourite trick is to make you feel anger, or some other negative reaction, towards a person or situation that mirrors your hidden bad stuff!
When you react negatively to someone else, or so the story goes, you do so because they remind you of something you hate about yourself. Sneaky little shadow!
Acceptance and Recognition
In much the same way that it works for alcoholics, the first step to address the problem of your shadow is to recognise and accept that the problem exists. Once you become aware of this other side of yourself, you start looking for it and once you start looking, you start seeing!
Now let’s not get confused here – this isn’t about “good you” versus “bad you”, it’s far more complex than that! Over time everyone builds up an image of themselves and works hard to put out the desired self-image to the rest of the world. Any aspect of personality that does not conform (to this image) gets suppressed, and eventually it slides off into the dark gloomy world of the Shadow where it figures out a way to reveal itself regardless of what you think of it!
Me and My Shadow
If you think you’ve found an aspect of your shadow and feel comfortable with it, you almost certainly have not found any such thing. I say this with absolute conviction, based on the “discovery” of a number of false shadow aspects, and the totally different feeling you get when you find a genuine one; in the case of the latter, it’s actually very disconcerting!
In my case, I’ve arrived at the “facing your shadow” point through two separate routes; an experience that has led me to realise that the personal development associated with building a business and the “personal alchemy” that accompanies a spiritual path (particularly an earth-based Pagan pathway) are different perspectives of the exact same thing. In terms of the concept of facing the shadow, these perspectives can be summarised as follows:
- Jungian: need to reconcile both aspects of your self, bring the shadow aspects into the light, and integrate them into your life.
- Business: need to step out of the comfort zone, develop your weak spots and work through your fears.
- Spiritually: personal alchemy, in simplistic terms, is a process of achieving balance; strengthening the weaker aspects of your self.
It doesn’t take too much effort to see the similarities in these 3 processes; it is certainly no coincidence that the concept of “dark night of the soul” seems so naturally connected to the idea of “the Shadow”.
Come Out From The Shadows, Mr Gecko!
As a concrete example of how these seemingly unrelated paths can converge, I have issues with the idea of making money. Sounds crazy I know!
However it is both true and probably more common than you might expect. The “mask” I have developed over 25+ years has very much been one of social consciousness, left-leaning politics and an idealistic view of how the world should work. I react strongly against people I perceive to be “only in it for the money”.
My business reflects this – it was founded on the idea of providing solutions for “the little guy”, yet venturing down that path has led to me having to confront certain aspects of business that make me extremely uncomfortable.
At the same time, I have reached a point in my personal/spiritual development that has highlighted my weak spots to be located in the areas of being practical (planning, organising, feet on the ground) and material wealth. Not only are these weak spots, they are the aspects that must be developed in order to achieve balance.
Finally, if I take the Jungian approach to things, I finally start to admit that being able to create security for myself and my family in a material sense IS important to me. I’m not about to become a “greed is good” Gordon Gecko clone, however by bringing this desire for material wealth out of the shadows and integrating it into my public persona, I effectively start wearing a mask that is one step closer to being a true portrait.
So my development as a business owner and as a spiritual dreamer, actually turn out to be part of the same overall project.
What Are YOU Hiding?
Everyone’s path is different, and the exact way in which progress is made will vary from person to person. However planting the seed of an idea can help you set off in the right direction, so with that in mind you may find it worthwhile to:
- Start taking notice of who makes you angry and why. Ask yourself what shadow aspect they may be triggering.
- Read various analyses of yourself (e.g. numerology, astrology and “personality type” quizzes. Take note of which phrases you strongly agree with, and which you dismiss as being completely wrong. Even if you don’t believe in, say, astrology, the real magic is in the self-analysis process.
- Spend time quietly contemplating who and what you think you are. Mentally note those things that anger you and that you dismissed as not being “you” – now look deeper to see if you can find these things. hidden away. Be honest with yourself, no-one else is listening!
Just allowing yourself to think and question yourself in this way can start a process that can lead to a shadow aspect revealing itself unexpectedly. When that happens, you’re one step closer…
Have fun chasing those shadows!
Gaz
Photo by nate steiner
Are you sat there, waiting for inspiration to strike, dreaming of the day you get THE idea? Would you follow your dreams today, if only you had a product to offer the world? Do you look to others and think “it’s OK for them, they had a great idea for a product. I wish I could…”?
If you are then I am not surprised at all – those are thoughts that have entered my mind on countless occasions for many years. Then something changed, internally rather than externally, I started working on something (could have been anything) and slowly that thing started to take on shape and form. Opportunities, encounters and chance meetings were greeted with an open mind, and it all started to slowly fall into place.
At some stage there will be a complete product that meets the needs of the target audience perfectly, and others will look at it and think “if only I could have had that idea”. The thing is they and you can, the product is already inside your head waiting to get out.
It’s got nothing to do with being lucky, being in the right place at the right time, not in the first instance at least. What is important, no matter what it is you go on to do, make or provide, is to lock onto that initial, tiny spark and let it grow.
OK, so moving on from the whole sleep experiment, I just wanted to touch on a subject that is simultaneously close to my heart and an ongoing source of frustration to me. Focus.
It is a source of frustration because all too often I have far too many ideas and thoughts spinning around in my head, and wind up with an extreme case of “butterfly mind“, flitting from one thing to another. It’s something I have been working on, will continue to work on, and have been making significant progress in that area.
It is close to my heart because I keep seeing the power of focus, and the power of constantly sharpening focus. The best example I have of that is the continual refinement of what my business is about, and seeing things click into place as things become more and more focused.
If you go back to the initial version of the ExpressWAHPz system (or “ExpressWebz” as it was called back then), there was a fuzzy vagueness about who or what it was for. The idea was to provide an affordable web solution for “small business” or “the little guy” and this lack of a clearly defined target audience was its biggest downfall.
Ever since I stumbled on the world of “Work at Home Mums”, not only has the service gained a purpose, not only has it attracted actual real, money-wielding customers, it started a chain reaction that puts me on the verge of launching a couple of major new initiatives. The best thing is that these things align perfectly with the overall concepts I had right at the very start.
The shocking reality is that without focus it would still be a pipe dream…
Those following along at home are probably already aware that my recent attempts at becoming an “early bird” had what can best be described as “mixed results”. On the one hand, I really enjoyed eating breakfast as the sun came over the hills, on the other hand my productivity went off the rails in a Charlie Sheen-esque display of going-off-the-railsery…
Since the end of last week, I have reverted to what I now accept as my default pattern of late nights, getting up just in time to get to the office and “power naps” on the bus. Productivity is back up and, interestingly, I have noticed that flashes of inspiration and moments of clarity have also returned. I’m not sure why or how, and I hadn’t even realised those “light bulb” moments had even diminished until today. Nice to have them back anyway!
I’ve also stumbled on this interesting article from 4 years ago, that suggests that night owls are actually mutants. OK I know it’s not as glamorous as being Wolverine, surely it must count for something though?
Occasionally I stumble on an ebook that I feel a huge urge to buy – this happened to me today in the form of Justin Wright’s “Life After The Cubicle”. At about 90 pages long, it’s hardly War and Peace, and the subject matter (Making Money Online) is hardly a rarity. What made me want to buy this was the guy’s blog…. there was something about the tone, style and content that really made me want to find out more.
As it turns out, the book is a great combination of telling Justin’s story (from fairly typical 9-to-5 working to being a “digital nomad”) and some good, basic, practical advice.
What I loved the most about the book is the fact that it doesn’t promote the usual “you can make a million” angle – no, this book is very much focused on creating a lifestyle where you can pay your bills, not spend most of your time in an office or factory, and enjoy the freedom that brings.
This is the kind of attitude I have been “preaching” for a few years now; not everyone is focused on making millions. The vast majority of people would settle for paying off their mortgage and not having to go to a job they hate! Most work at home parents will fall into this category.
For a slightly more realistic view of the “making money online” world – check out this book!
As I write this I can honestly say that I do not know what time I will go to bed tonight. While there is still a whole week or so to go, for the full 30 days to have elapsed, my thoughts are turning more and more to the idea of pulling an all-nighter.
There’s no denying it, I have enjoyed waking early, being able to watch the sun rise as I eat my breakfast, and the sense of achievement (OK, smugness!) that goes with it. On the negative side though, the change in routine has been accompanied by Inbox chaos and the “todo” list getting ever longer. I have this overwhelming feeling that one major push will see me catching up with a whole load thing of things, yet another part of me would see this as giving in.
So what’s the lesson here? Perhaps that it’s OK to vary things, mostly get up early and then put in the extended sessions when needed? Perhaps it’s a hint that my time and procrastination management really do suck.
Or maybe it will turn out that those people who told me “night-owls and early birds are born and not made” were right all along.
